The Eldritch Floral Horrors of Western Germany OR A Door Into the Endless Green Night

I write this as my mind begins to slip from my possession. I only pray that someone finds my writings before it is too late for them, nay the whole world.
I came to this seemingly pleasant state at first to calm my harried nerves after the unfortunate incidents of Ms. M______ and Mssr. G_______. Oh how I miss them, I can still hear the unearthly moans. My doctor recommended the Rhineland Palatinate as an escape from the smog and dishealthful clamour of London city, hoping its acres of peaceful vineyards would be balm to my troubled soul, myself being an amateur horticulturist and an admitted oenophile.
It quickly became clear that these were no ordinary wine fields. The tendrils of these plants grew like spindly spider legs, their fruits mean and hardened and wilting.
All through't grey clad and hooded men shambled like zombies, trimming at the looming rows constantly. Why should they clip at them so if these vineyards were their main subsistance, I wondered. Growing bold with curiosity I approached a workman, but he seemed to be deaf and dumb, continuing his work as if my presence were not even felt. When I tried to get his attention by coming between his shears and his target, he groaned aggressively at me and gestured threateningly. I saw in this moment that the man had no tongue and a strange marke tattooed on his left cheek.
Twisted unnaturally, the devilish vines pulsed with an unearthly hatred. Certain that something was amiss in the fields I endeavored to sojourn to a nearby hamlet, seeking answers. All the while the roots of unease grew in my mind.
The path was snowey and the day unseasonably cold and dark. The branches oe'rhead blotted out what little sunlight weakly filtered down. In these shadows I startled upon what appeared to be a half buried kraken along the sideroad. T'was just a treestump, although my racing heart told me to take caution anyhowe. Is it any great wonder that I imagined to see some movement as I briskly hurried a'past?
All along the path was lyned with grasses like daggers. Tall as a man and sharp enough to pierce skin. Never had I occurred upon such unusual flora. T'was as if they were militiamen, fearsome pykes in hand.
And strange heads of growth, trimmed back violently, rattled with sound unfamiliar in either plant or animal kingdoms. The sounds which the wind rustled from these baubles was likeas a whysper,

thhhhhouuuuuuuthhhhhhh

I speeded my pace.

Finally with pulse aquickened I arrived at my destination. The town was eerily still, with not a soul to be found. What was to be found easily, however, were more of the damned plants. It was around this time that I began to hear the voice, fell and gruesome, whyspering wordlessly.
Some buildings had fallen completely, now eruptions of pointed feelers, reaching in the cold air.
It spill'd from troth and from bucket until it seemed that not an inch was left uncovered.
I observed all manner of strange shrubbery that seemed completely alien. The tendrils of this ungodly growth snatched up a passing jay, quickly draining it of its life.
The spines that grew from this spiked tree shot out in growth so rapidly that it tore my clothes and cut a gash in my shoulder. It's growth so unnatural as to give the impression of maliciousness. It felt as if I were a man pursued! The pounding, it does not cease!
The very stoneworke sprouted with varietye of sinister plantlife. I began to wonder what had become of the residents. All too soon I would have my answer.
As I observed these things I chanced upon the sickly smell of death, yea, an odour I know all too well as of late. I followed the scent to it's source and was grimly unstartled to find a human corpse, desanguinated and disintigrating. Its skin all but replaced by green lichens, crimson blood-blossoms sprouting from it's veins. These horticultural horrors were blood drinkers!
All around me plant cocoons the size of human heads, held on narrow neck-stalks of green spilled forth from the Eayrth. The voice like a pounding now, cracking the foundations of my sanity. The ground trembled terribly, I turned to run..!
IT IS I SHUUUG NOOOOBOROTH . HUNTER OF FLESH . WHISPERER OF LIES . I WILL FEEEAST ON YOUR MIND HUMAN . WELCOME TO THE DARKNESS .







ssssssssss


hsssssssssssss

come in to the darknesssssssss

An Intractable Moron Visits the German Wine Country

LOL SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP'! Represent back in europe with my number one dutchland peeps!
I learned in the airport when I get hear 3 dayz ago that the germans are really dutch and there countrys called Dutchland. Maybe thats where dutch master's come from lol..
You might be axing yourself why I might've returned to here, the historic home of beer pong and other rocking things when I had just left like: "I'm outy" only a few year and a halfs ago to return to america land of the free? Well, it turns out that I gotta come back cuz of some kinda lame @ss bull$hit about defacing some momunment and a international incident (sp?) tribunal trial and shit so to pair a phrase my boy "guess who's back??" Those were soem good times lol.
And you know I gotsta visit me some German wine country. Were talkin like everyone here is MESSED UP around the clock like so bad they cant even speak english anymore. Some dude was like "Spreken ze dutch?" to me and I was like "DAAAAAAMN SON U WASTED :)"
But ya I've been gettin my drink on not gonna lie, even tho last time I blacked out and woke up with some boot on my head in garbage can, but since when's that ever stopped ya boy??
So mainly I've just been chillin', checkin up on some fine german honeys and broing back some broskis with my bros.
These pics are from a town I stopped by through on the way to wherever this g@y-ass trials gonna be. I'm like roll up a jury on me, I dare you, go upside they're head with my belt, ya herd?
I think it's called Eatin' Clovin' or something.
It was "very nice!" (you remeber that movie Bort? That was MY MOVIE). Kindof a little quite for me, but they have these wineyards here and a bunch of statues and plaques and this thing made out of wood and it was pretty cool.
NE ways I think I gottsa to roll now some dude is yelling at me in dutch, it's like "calm down lt. red face, maybe you should go an concur poland again if you want to be such a facist lol" PEACE OUT PEEPS, FREEDOM!

Back in Europe, for a limited time only

Hey everyone, on this, the last spring break of my grad-school career, I am going back to Europe. So, like a volcano, this blog erupts briefly with activity before once more sinking into dormancy.Airport carpet. Flew from Orlando to Atlanta, where the carpet may be even worse. There is some kind of psychological meaning to airport carpets, I'm sure of it. A mystery. The flight to Europe is a long one, you may be aware of this. I ended up watching 3 movies and part of a basketball game with the sound off. I will have a separate post about this later. The movies were
The Men Who Stare at Goats (***_ _)
Fantastic Mr. Fox (****_)
and Pandorum (*_ _ _ _), a spacehorror which seemed to consist entirely of running and darkness and whispering.
I missed my chance to sleep on the blame but was treated to that rare and bizarre pre-dawn light.
Soon I would be in Germany, first of my Euro-destinations. I think this might be the Rhine.
I was pleasantly surprised to find snow fields. As a long-time Floridian I am crazy for snow.
I guess this is outside of Frankfurt, where the plane is (hopefully!) going to land.And here is the city proper
One of very few German cities with this kind of skyline.
"Camel" brand 'smoking rooms' in the airport. They are so progressive in Europe!
I am taking Germany's fantastic train system to a little town called Edenkoben, in the German wine country. You'll see it tomorrow (if you want to). I had a stop over in Mannheim
Which seems nice, at least based on their Bannhoff (train station)
Next time we'll go down these tracks and see the place I'm staying at.

The Economy Continues to Decline as Blog Posts Become Less Frequent

Yeah, sorry guys, I guess I don't blog this blog thing as much anymore. It's back to real life for me, having a job, going to school.
That's no joke about the economy either, I'm working as many hours as is humanly possible to try and make some money, thus I have less time for this nonsense no one cares about.
But enough metablog, how about some blog? Today's pictures are from Witten, V's sleepy, industrial hometown. They're big on iron production there I think. Or mining. One of those dangerous things.
I went there to meet her parents and friends, see the place she grew up, etc etc. Also we were on our way to Amsterdam and it's kind of half way between there and Tuebingen.
Meeting her parents went better than expected. Better than meeting any girlfriend's parents ever has gone actually. An especially impressive feat considering they don't speak any English. But food speaks louder than words, just check out this home-cooked-all-vegetarian-mealstravaganza (and this was a lunch!).
So what's Witten got? Well, a lot of power lines for one.
A lot of them.
And other industrial looking stuff, you know.
Witten's one of those towns that's got a 'thing' going for it, like Berlin has bears. Instead of brightly painted festive animals it's got fat businessmen.
This was once a brightly colored fountain, when it stopped working they painted it grey so it would look more like a statue. I guess that's kind of a good way to sum up Witten as a town.
Not that I didn't like, it had a comforting humanity and utilitarianism to it that is sometimes not found in German towns. Next stop Amsterdam.
Also, check out V's blog for her picture report of us going to a Gaza protest in downtown Orlando.

It just wouldn't be moving day without me dramatically injuring myself

Todays pictures are from my trip to Wiesbaden and Niedernhausen where I attended and presented at the EB-ACA conference.

..So here I am, back in Orlando (well, Winter Park to be exact). Spent all day looking for and transporting free furniture from Craigslist (that website is AMAZING++).

Here's my injury story: I was trying to roll a bed through a parkling lot and saw a speedbump coming that I thought those little bed-wheels might be able to clear if I got up enough speed. Well, the thing stopped dead instead and my leg went right into the metal frame. This might sound funny to you but I would have been surprised if it hadn't happened. In fact the only reason I wasn't more seriously injured is because I've done things like this so many times before. Build up a resistance, you know? Not that it doesn't hurt like hell. It really does.
Life in the states has been difficult to adjust to but I am appreciating the little things that make America so American more and more these days. And the things I used to hate about the states I can now categorize as interesting cultural differences.
Living in another country changes you, I think, even if it's only for a few months.
Anyway, tomorrow it's back to work, in a few days it's back to school. A new type of adventure is going to begin (it's an adventure called surviving the monotony of real life) and I'm ready, if not quite excited.
Fear not though, I still got lots of stuff to show you guys from Europe-times.
And I saw an Alligator the other day so tune in for that in about 3 months.