The Chapters in Which A Lapsed American Tries to Reinsert Himself Into Society

Hey folks. Well, I might not be in good old Europa anymore but I can still write a blog right? In fact, I was so far behind that I really have quite a few stories and locations coming up. In the future look for Amsterdam, Cologne, The Canary Islands, Mexico, and much much more! Today's unrelated pictures are from a trip I took to Castle Lictenstein and the alluringly names Mist Cave.
Today I'm going to try something different. Having been absent for the states for so long I sort of feel like a foreigner myself. So in this blog entry I am going to test my Americanosity the only way I know how.
I am going to guess movie plots by the name alone. I know, I know, but I really think that if I can get at least 50 percent right it will prove something about me. I haven't been exposed to any advertising for any of the movies that are out in theaters right now (except maybe know who it stars from a movie poster) and I don't have any prior knowledge. So... here... we...go.
Marley & Me
1st Guess: A touching biopic about the narrators close but often confusing relationship with reggae great bob Marley. Some original footage is included but mostly its completely fictionalized. The Marley family fought hard to have it not be made but what can you do, white people wanted to make it. It's probably so-so.

2nd Guess: Marley is the name of either a dog or monkey or seal that is friends with a child. The pet probably doesn't talk but is personified in other ways (maybe it eats dinner at the table). Heatwarming family fun for all. The mother is divorced and meets a man through the dog's antics. A bad movie.
What it is according to IMDB.com's plot synopsis: A family learns important life lessons from their adorable, but naughty and neurotic dog.

Score: 100 Americas out of 100!!!!

Wow, off to a great start. Maybe I knew what this was about subconciously somehow but I am pretty impressed with myself. You can not count this one if you want, it seems almost impossible that I would have just guessed so accurately.
Bedtime Stories
1st Guess: J-horror imported and worsened for American audiences. A creepy little girl with straight black hair is an evil ghost and no one knows why. She terrifies children who are hearing bedtime stories or something. Starring almost mute but very pretty blonde actress with no personality. Not worth seeing.

2nd Guess: M Night Shamalyian's (not gonna spell check that) newest movie. Three vignettes told in the style of bedtime stories. M. Night is the narrator and he is bluntly self inserted reading the stories to his own real-life son. The first one is about ghosts, the second aliens, the third some kind of stupid monster. There are three twists in the stories and then a 4th even larger twist at the end, like maybe the stories were real and the narration was actually a story. It is exremely bad.
What it is according to IMDB.com's plot synopsis: A family comedy about a hotel handyman whose life changes when the lavish bedtime stories he tells his niece and nephew start to magically come true.

Score: 40 Canadas out of 100 Americas.

I was pretty far off with the percieved genre, who would have thought a movie called "Bedtime Stories" was actually for kids? I am giving myself points for guessing that bedtime stories would magically be coming true.
Yes Man (I know that this stars Jim Carey somehow)
1st Guess: A long awaited sequal to Liar Liar in which Jim Carey can now lie as much as he wants but he has to say yes to everything people ask him to do. He goes sky diving and stuff and then maybe gets tricked into committing a crime when some femme fatale discovers his flaw. Hilarity ensues further when he is asked at police headquarters if he would like to be cavaty searched. Everything is ok in the end. Movie is so bad it makes you wish Jim Carey had stopped acting after Ace Ventura 2.

2nd Guess: Jim Carey is a magical elf that has the power to say "yes" to people's wishes. He goes around giving people exactly what they want with glee but it turns out that sometimes exactly what you want is not exactly what you need. He also learns this lesson despite being some kind of mythical being. Maybe he falls in love. A movie I wouldn't see ever.
What it is according to IMDB.com's plot synopsis: A guy challenges himself to say "yes" to everything for an entire year.

Score: 80 Texases out of 100 Americas.

Whelp. Wrap it up American Movie Industry. I've got you down cold. Except maybe the source of his saying yes is self induced and not magical, but otherwise a pretty awesome guess. Maybe the movie is just named really well. By the way, I tried this very same self-experiment about 8 months ago and it turned out pretty awesome. I went to Europe. Consequently this might not be.
Seven Pounds (starring the Fresh Prince)
1st Guess: Will Smith has to lose or gain 7 pounds in order to land an important movie roll. It is really important to him for some reason and is very dramatic. Maybe he isn't an actor but is either a boxer or a wrestler who needs to be of a certain weight class to compete. I am kind of at a loss, 7 pounds being important enough to be a title is kind of tough. Regardless, he is gruff and unlikable until a woman cracks his hard exterior. Probably not too bad since Will Smith is in it, but I'm still not going to see it.

2nd Guess: There is some important object that weighs 7 pounds that Will Smith has to transport over some distance. This is made difficult by the presence of ENEMIES and explosions. Possible things weighing 7 pounds: 7 pounds of drugs, a baby, a crystal skull. This movie sounds completely awesome, he might even say "Aw Hell Naw" in it.
What it is according to IMDB.com's plot synopsis: An IRS agent with a fateful secret embarks on an extraordinary journey of redemption by forever changing the lives of seven strangers.

Score: 20 Frances out of 100 Americas. :( :(

I got this one pretty wrong but I have to blame the title. I mean, what the hell? 7 pounds? I am giving myself a few points because I am still absolutely sure about the love interest. I might see this movie.
Valkyrie
1st Guess: I know it's not an enormous epic special effects extravaganza with a huge budget about legendary scandanavian warrior women in some fantasy world, but how cool would that be? More likely it's some modern woman who is brave about something and is therefor just like a Valkyrie. Maybe she kills men or maybe she gets raped. I don't care for it on a number of levels.

2nd Guess: Could also, inexplicably, be a war movie. I am thinking WWI or WWII, named after some secret file or some secret batallion or some secret ship. Maybe there were women fighting in the war SECRETLY. It's very gritty and uses a shakey-cam. I would rather not.
What it is according to IMDB.com's plot synopsis: Based on actual events, a plot to assassinate Hitler is unfurled during the height of WWII.

Score: 90 American Samoas out of 100 Americas!
I am pretty impressed here. Maybe again this is a case of vaguely repressed knowledge, but I think I am just a good guesser and a good American. It sounds kind of cool actually. Probably it is a femme fatale who tries to assassinate him and she probably does get raped at some point.
Well, this exercise was pretty awesome. Tune in next time when I do a few more since this was so fun. Peace fellas, keep on readin.
Castle Count: 11 by the way