On Canadian Identity
There are cards from some Candian
version of trivial pursuit here on the table of this bar that I'm in.
Out of 6 questions on the card, 2 of them have 'Canada' as he answer. A
brief perusal of the other cards indicates a lot of this kind of thing. I
seems to me that there's something to all this- a quest for national
identity and pride. Usually this is just represented by talking a lot
about the Canadian identity of various famous people and things. As if
to say "perhaps you will reconsider your position on Canada now that you
see that the zipper was invented here?" I'm sure with enough time I
would truly be able to make a claim of some sort of national neurosis.
An inferiority/superiority complex. I mean, what else is to happen when
you are right next to (geographically as well as in other ways) the best
and worst country in the world?
On Canadians
Everyone
I’ve met here is just overall more pleasant. But it’s not by a particular Canadian
characteristic, but rather, a lack of something American. People here seem less
existentially anxious, perhaps. There’s a certain seething undercurrent of
anger and confusion I see In Americans that seems to be lacking here. You could
call it a simplicity, but I think that would miss the point. Whatever it is,
it’s a refreshing change. There’s also a kind of national relaxation here that
is absent in the US. People in Canada speak about their country in warm,
familiar terms, and can easily rattle off statistics and factoids about their
home-province. However, this pride has none of the jingoist or aggressive edge
that it might in America. Canadians don’t feel the need to be number 1. Maybe
once the US has stopped teetering and finally definitively toppled we can relax
a little bit too.
On the Canadian Currency
Because
they have coins in denominations of both 1 and 2 dollars, as well as all the
usuals, it seems like no matter how I try, I end up with an ever increasing
quantity of change. My bags are weighed down with these things and I’m too
embarrassed to just buckle down and pay for a meal entirely in dimes and
nickels. And god forbid you buy something inexpensive with one of your precious
few bills- you’ll be rewarded with an avalanche of coins of varying and arcane
values. Credit cards are hopeless as well. Canada has apparently surpassed the
US technologically to the point where presenting a card you have to actually
swipe will get you the same kind of incredulous eyeballing that you would get
if you had flopped a dead fish onto the counter as a means of payment. They
have to dust off some ancient machine and fiddle with its buttons while the
queue behind you grows ever longer with increasingly patient Canadians. It is
best to avoid spending money at all, if possible.
I would imagine you are not aware of these surprising Canada facts
- The baseball glove was invented by a Canadian, as was the
zipper
- A Saskatoon is a blueberry like fruit
- Britain had a prime minister who was born in Canada.
Infinitely more interesting, his name was Andrew Boner Law
- Huckleberry Finn had trouble getting published in the US,
and in fact was only picked up after it was published in Canada
- The man who is widely considered to be the inspiration for
James bond was a Canadian
- Maple Syrup was discovered in Canada. Ok, maybe this one
does not surprise you, but the way it was discovered was that a young native
man observed a squirrel break off the branch of a tree and drinking the sap and
got the idea to do the same thing. Take home point- Squirrels eat maple syrup?!
- Canada was visited by Chinese explorers in 326 BC on a
mission to find some kind of legendary fungus. No word on whether or not they
found it.
- The red fox is an anxious and stressed out animal.
Scientists have found that about half of them have ulcers, some of them severe
(ulcers!)
It’s the little things (observations on the foreignness of Canada)
- The hotel in Winnipeg was a bit confusing to me. Instead of familiar
buttons, it had ones with intriguing names like ‘(star)B’, 'MR', and
‘M’, which I
eventually figured out was the lobby. I think the M probably stands for
‘manitoba’, which makes sense because when you push the button you do
end up in
Manitoba. There is also a switch on the elevator which can be turned
between OFF and HWENAB. I am convinced there is no explanation for this.
- The only soft drink that is sold out in the pop (they call
it pop) vending machine is Canada Dry GingerAle
- Other beverages loved my Winnipeggers- 7-11 slushees. I read
in my guide book that Winnipeg consumes more of them per capita than anywhere
else in the world. No less than half an hour after reading this fact I
overheard a conversation about slushees and how good they are.
- At Tim Horton’s the woman asked me if I wanted cream,
chocolate milk (!), or white milk (??) with my coffee. I ordered a small and
was surprised to find that it was small.
- Another interesting color-food connection. Toast is not
described here are ‘wheat’ or ‘whole-grain’, but rather just as ‘brown’. This
seems more honest somehow, like they’re not trying to sell you on the bread,
just describing it in the most basic possible way. We’ve got some bread here,
how shall we describe it? Well, what color is it?
- Here, when someone says a business is ‘licensed’, it means
that they can serve alcohol. This, in itself, is not so unusual, but the
problem is it seems to mean nothing else. There’s a whole lot of ‘oh yes, we
have a license here, or sadly, we don’t have a license. I would have assumed
that they weren’t legally allowed to sell food to me if I didn’t know better.
License is actually a very meaningful word, but here it seems to have been
reduced entirely to code for ‘has booze’. If I were to tell people that I’m a
licensed counselor they would probably assume that I can serve liquor in my
sessions. Which I can.
- Winnipeggers love reggae. Being a street musician is a real,
licensed profession in the city, and being a ‘busker’, as they’re called,
requires an audition to prove that you can actually play an instrument
pleasingly. In the summer, at least, the city is filled with music. Mostly
reggae music.
- The musk ox is an animal so ridiculous that is
impossible to caricature
